Palestinian Humour

WeatherIt’s 11pm and we’re talking to Uncle Abu Samer on Whatsapp. He and his wife are at Nimr’s parents flat, as they often are – so much of the family has left Syria, including both couple’s children, that they mostly have the choice of each other’s sofas now for conversation and sweet evening tea.

As always, we talk about the weather. The sun still shines and the rain still falls. There have been warm showers in Damascus. And it’s hot in Sweden, says Nimr, I saw the picture of Hoda’s husband having a barbecue. No, says Abu Samer, he was on a trip to Germany. It’s always hot in Germany. The Saudi Arabia of Europe! We talk about these places like they’re local to everyone in the conversation, just a bus ride from Damascus. No bribes or breathless races across borders or rubber dinghies in the night.

I remember Alaa, while she was still in Syria , describing the daily exchanges in the queue outside the bread oven: “Hey, I heard your son reached Denmark! Congrats!” “How’s your daughter in Germany? Any news on the family reunification visa?” New names now at home in the collective mouth: Malmö, Uppsala, Helsingborg. But you can know the weather in Stockholm and still be unable to get to your mum’s house a few miles away when the shells are falling.

Somehow the conversation gets round to a relative, Abdul Karim, who has received a court summons for building without planning permission onto a house that has since been destroyed, in an area that has been flattened by bombing. The man is now living in Jaramana with plastic sheeting for windows. Is anyone in Syria really still worrying about planning permission? Nimr’s uncle insists the story is true. The two of them are in fits of laughter.

“Every day I wake up in the morning, get out a map of the Arab nations and piss on it,” roars Abu Samer, advising his nephew to do the same.

My head is getting drowsy on Nimr’s shoulder. It is so warm and quiet here, so easy to drift off on the waves of their laughter, a world away from the dark side of the joke.

Cinnamon

In the old world, new babies were followed by the smell of cinnamon, brewed with rice and caraway in big vats by grandmothers who served it topped with crushed nuts and coconut to everyone who came to visit the newborn. The smell of the sweet, spicy steam was, it was said, a way to let the neighbours know a new child had arrived.

In the old world, Grandma’s hands moved swiftly from chopping almonds to adding lemon and parsley to rice soup, which she dished up for her daughter in the weeks after the birth, to help her recover. The new mother was to rest for 40 days, while her mother, mother in law and other female relatives cooked and took care of the house, and a steady stream of visitors sang to the baby, passing it from arm to big arm, inhaling the warm scent of its downy hair.

And as the years and generations passed, 40 days may have shrunk to ten, and news of a baby’s arrival may have reached neighbours by phone before the smell crept beneath their front doors. But the visitors still came, the mother still rested, and cinnamon and caraway still bubbled on the stove.

In the new world, a phone buzzes on a coffee table in South London, where a couple are watching a bad detective series on Netflix.

“Maybe my sister’s had her baby”, says the man, and the woman presses pause.

There on the screen of his Samsung is a face they’ve never seen before, puffy-eyed and dazed as a mole suddenly above ground, its tiny hand grasping the edge of the blanket that envelops its tired, smiling mother.

Beneath the photos is a flurry of congratulatory messages from the man’s sisters in other parts of Sweden, to which the man and woman add theirs (“Me too,” says the woman, “Say I said congratulations too”).

In the new world, the man calls his mother and father in Syria, the baby’s grandparents, who have been poring over the same three photos in their empty flat in North Damascus.

There is not much to say, but it is good to talk. She looks like your sister… she’ll call us once she’s rested for a bit longer… see how quickly the family is growing?!

The phone is handed to the man’s father, and in the background the couple can hear his mother on the phone to relatives who have just seen the news on WhatsApp, and are calling to congratulate her on the fourth grandchild she has never held.

Nappy Time

Mariam has a new game that she plays during nappy changes. Lying on her padded circus-themed mat, she lifts a leg across her body as if she’s about to flip over and escape, eyeing me expectantly all the while and waiting for me to say “EEEEEEEEERM!” in a pretend stern voice, like my dad used to do when our playfighting threatened to get out of hand. Then she swivels back to nappy-changing position and waits for me to cry “BRAVOOOOO!” (the Arabic ‘bravo’ with a rolled ‘r’). It’s quite amusing until I actually need to put her nappy on, at which point all the twisting back and forwards becomes a bit of an issue.

Tonight, after the hilarity was over and we’d moved on to battling with the approximately 176 poppers of Mariam’s babygrow, Nimr came into the bathroom, holding his phone.

“Speak to taita (granny),” he said to Mariam.

All of Nimr’s siblings are now in Europe, most of them having escaped Syria by boat, and Mariam is one of three grandchildren his parents have never met. Riding out the power cuts and loneliness in Damascus, their relationship with her is without flesh; no skin touching the warm skin of family, no cuddles to granny’s bosom, jiggles on grandad’s knee.

Instead, there is a song Fatima sings whenever Mariam’s face appears on her phone screen, and ever since she was a few months old Mariam has responded by rocking back and forth in a happy dance.

She perches upright now amongst the monkeys and pelicans, forgetting whatever it was she had been whining about a few moments before.

“Mariam oh Mariam, pretty Mariam, clever Mariam” sings a grandmother 2,687 miles away.

Her voice is frozen into data that breaks into pieces and shoots along cables under the ocean before being reunited nanoseconds later in a bathroom in South London… where a baby starts to dance.